My grandfather’s corpse was too large for the shelf
So it stayed in the freezer downstairs
If you wanted a snack you could go help yourself
And hack off chunks with nary a care
He was large, he was mean, and he loved to vent his spleen
And he’d beat us until we all cried
But we’ve not missed a meal from his head to his heel
Since the old man died.
His frozen remains cause no more aches and pains
And his whip hangs so limp from the door
And the canes he applied to our tender backsides
Now lie splintered in dust on the floor
Now his legs and his arms cause nobody any harm
Now it’s him that is prodded and poked
And antacids help pass all our digestive gas
Since the old man croaked.
Oh . . .
He was big, he was tall, and he loved to make us bawl
So he’d beat us until we all cried
But we’ve not missed a meal from his head to his heel
Since the old man died.
Published 6/14/25