My sweet, darling Eddie, it’s time to wake up.

I hold you close in your blanket, smell your sweet head. I imagine what we will do when you open your eyes. It’s been so long since you looked at me. So long since you made a sound. You must have been exhausted, my poor baby boy.

You are light in my hands as I move you to the table. Don’t mind the sticky wetness of my fingers, or the coppery smell that clings to them. I’m sorry, my dear one, but I made a mess in the kitchen that I can’t clean until I wake you up. I’ll wash my hands when we’re done here. There is a proper order to do things in;  every mother knows that.

I kiss your head where your hair was and touch the patch of skin that remains on your brow. I will fix this too, in time. Mommy will make everything right.

The rain falls against the window, but you my brave Eddie, aren’t scared of the water, even after everything that happened. You are silent and strong and beautiful as you sleep. An angel. I can’t wait to see your eyes again. Your father’s eyes, so dark and full of life.

First, we’ll peel back the lid, Eddie. I’ll be careful with my two fingers to open the socket. I won’t hurt you, but you have to open your eyes. Your father’s eyes. You had them. Now I’ll give them back to you. The left, and then the right. I got them a little dirty, but you can see now. See my face smiling down at you?

You’ll need lashes next, and something to fix your cheek. Where shall I get them for you, dear Eddie? Perhaps the girl at the grocery store, our favorite one, with the glasses and the perfect teeth. Yes, she has lovely skin, so healthy and soft. I’ll swaddle you in her.

No baths though. No, not ever again.

I feel how light you are in my crimson hands, and I know you must be hungry. Good. My useless breasts are all but dried to dust but I am a good mommy, Eddie, and I found you milk, and it’s in the kitchen, waiting. No bottles for the baby. Breast is best, the doctor said, and only the best for you, my son.

Only the best, Eddie.

I lay you down in the crib again while I fetch your breakfast. It’s fresh, still a little warm. I make a mess of you, cover you in milk, but that’s okay. You barely eat. I understand though. We’ve had a long morning and your so tired, you just want to sleep. Go to sleep, Eddie. Mommy will be here when you wake up, and she’ll take care of you.

Whatever you need, Eddie, is yours.

Because I am a good mom.

I’m a good mom.

I’m a good mom.

I’m a good mom.

I’m a good mom, Eddie. Sleep well.