Bloody Valentine’s Day Contest Honorable Mention
Date Night by Chisto Healy
Roger looked across the table at his date. “Are you gonna pay for this or do I have to follow someone into the restroom so I can kill them and take their wallet?”
Marisa smirked at him. “I was thinking we would go dutch since it’s a first date, but are you telling me you have no money?”
Roger ate some of the food on his plate while she waited. He made sure to chew slowly and followed with a sip of his drink. “No,” he said. “I have plenty of money. I say things just to get a reaction.”
Marisa ate a bite of her own food. “I’ve noticed. This date is thirty minutes in and that’s the third comment about murder so far. So do you try to scare all the girls away or am I just special?”
Roger laughed. “It’s like when you get laid off after years at the same job you never liked,” he told her. “You’re not ready to go out and get another one but you’d feel like a bum if you didn’t put some applications in.”
Marisa laughed then. “I think I am actually offended.”
“You’re only offended because you think you actually are special which is proof that you’re not,” Roger said, sipping his drink.
“That one was obviously looking for a reaction. What kind of girl would I be if I gave you the satisfaction? That may work with other girls, but I’m special,” she said, with a jab of her tongue. Roger gave a genuine laugh and felt impressed. “You’re in jeopardy of actually making me like you,” he said. “Then who will I kill?”
“Some boring chick,” she said with a smile.
“Well, I hope the movie is as good as the food.”
Marisa eyed him curiously. “Oh there’s a movie huh? Seems like you’re okay with taking this application to the interview process.”
“Just the preliminary interview. Then I make sure they don’t call back.”
“Because you kill them?” she said before finishing the food on her plate.
“Exactly! I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Roger asked the waiter for separate checks. He saw Marisa looking surprised and he shrugged. “You said you wanted to go dutch.”
“Fair enough. You wanna kill anyone real quick before we get out of here?”
“Nah,” he said as he threw down a tip. “We’d miss the previews, and that’s my favorite part .”
“You’re a character,” Marisa said as they made their way to the car. “You have no idea,” Roger said back with a sinister smile before opening the door for her.
“The most polite murderer ever,” she giggled.
“Well, if you’re mean no one sticks around long enough for you to murder them.”
“Actually that makes sense.”
When they got to the theatre, Roger used his cell to scan the tickets he had purchased. Then they went to the concession counter and bought the biggest popcorn available. Marisa insisted upon paying since he got the tickets. When she saw what movie they were seeing, she laughed. “A horror movie. What a surprise.”
“Purposely bad interview,” he said.
“Except I happen to love horror movies.” Marisa stuck her tongue out again. He came to believe what she said when she didn’t scream or seek his comfort. He even caught her laughing at some of the most brutal scenes. When the movie ended and they were heading out of the theatre she said, “You know it’s been almost two hours since you’ve made any remarks about killing someone.”
“Well, I’d like to find the guy that wrote that movie and strangle him slowly because that ending was garbage.”
Marisa smiled. “Well now we really are on the same page.”
When they were back on the road, Roger glanced at her. “You know, I actually had fun tonight so maybe I should just drive into those gas pumps over there so it can never be ruined.”
“Personally, I’d rather go home in one piece and accept that internet dating isn’t always awful, but you’re driving so….”
Roger just smiled and kept driving until he got to her building. Marisa got out of the car but leaned back in and asked if he would like to come up.
“You’re not worried I’ll kill you?”
“I think I can handle you,” she said.
“You got any liquor up there?”
“Will you settle for wine?”
“If it’s bad I’m gonna have to kill you.”
“Fair enough,” she laughed, and led the way. He followed her up the stairs to the second floor where she unlocked a door. He followed her in and then turned to lock the knob, the deadbolt, and the chain. She watched him but said nothing. Then he watched her use the corkscrew to open a bottle of wine. She poured two glasses, handed him one and then gave him the tour . She saved the bedroom for last and he took the hint and kissed her. She kissed him back and they fell onto the bed. Then they broke their embrace and each rolled aside to dodge the knives they knew were coming. He hacked at her and she slashed at him but neither connected and they rolled off opposite sides of the bed. They stood facing each other, blades in their hands. “I really am transparent huh?” he asked.
“The best place to hide is in plain sight. How did you figure me out?”
Roger laughed. “You were way too casual with all my talk.”
“Fair enough,” she said. “So here we are.”
“Here we are.”
They charged at the same time. He swung and she dodged. She swung and he parried. She caught him with a punch to the jaw and he kicked her off of the bed. When he went to move in, her knife came dangerously close. He fell backwards to avoid the strike and she leaped onto him but when the knife came down, he wasn’t there. He waved a finger at her and she growled. She slashed at him and actually connected, tearing at his chest. He flinched at the pain and then smiled. When she came again, he evaded it and struck her with a backhand. She hit the bed and did a back flip to the floor nearby. She stood panting, and he stood smiling. “What’s your count?” he asked her.
He laughed. “Your kill count. I don’t care how many men you’ve slept with. Any woman can do that.”
“Three so far. You?”
“Oh wow. A lot more than three you newb. Do you really think you can win?”
“Are you suggesting I should stop fighting? Would you really like it to be easy?” He considered what she said and nodded. She was right. What really surprised him though was when she threw the knife. He wasn’t ready and it stuck in his shoulder, inches from his neck. She didn’t wait. While he was registering that he had been stabbed she pounced on him, pounding at his face. He tried to take advantage of the fact that he still had his blade but she sank her teeth into his wrist before he could. She was relentless and he loved it. He rammed her back into the nearby wall repeatedly and she was tough enough to take it and not let go. He drove her into her vanity then, shattering the mirror. She saw his plan and released him, grabbing a shard of glass just as he did.
They were in a standoff once more, both panting,bruised and bleeding. They stared at each other. Then they threw the shards of broken glass on the ground and ran towards each other. They met on the bed and dragged each other’s clothes off in a frenzy. They made love like wild animals. It was just as violent as their fight and ended with equal satisfaction. When it was over he snuggled up to her back, blood still seeping from his wounds. His hand went for her throat but she seized his wrist, her thumb going for his eye. He leaned his head back and bit down on the digit. Then they broke away.
Roger got up from the bed and started to dress while facing her.
“Would you like me to spend the night?”
“And risk you waking before me? Not a chance.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said. “So I’m afraid this date is over. Sucks because my favorite part is raiding the kitchen in the morning to make myself breakfast. I save money on groceries and it makes up for what I have to spend on the date part.”
“Well you’d be disappointed,” she smiled through swollen lips. “I don’t have any food. I raid their wallet and go out to treat myself to a victory breakfast.”
Roger nodded. “I like it.”
He headed for the door, walking backwards. She eyed the corkscrew but he shook his head. She laughed. When he got to the door, she said, “Now you’ve got to turn and undo all those locks.”
Roger saw his own mistake and realized then why she hadn’t said anything. “Come over here and we’ll do it together.”
“Aww, like a couple? That’s adorable.” She came over and stood beside him. They glanced at each other anxiously while fumbling with the locks and looking for an opening. He yanked the door open and jumped defensively into the hall. She turned to go back for the corkscrew but he said, “You’re not fast enough.”
Marisa sighed. “Fine,” she said, pouting. “Until next time, I guess.”
“Does that mean there’s going to be a second date?”
“Of course silly,” she laughed. “You’re still alive.”
“As are you,” Roger said back, “but I think we should see other people.”
“Oh absolutely,” she winked. “We’ll boost our numbers during the week and meet up again next weekend. How’s Saturday at eight?”
“Sounds perfect,” Roger smiled. “I’ll kill you then.”
“I’ll think of you when I’m with them,” she told him.
“Same,” he said. Then she closed the door and engaged the locks once more. He walked with a bit of a dance to his step and whistled as he left. He felt truly happy for the first time since his horrible excuse for a wife had left. He was happy as could be. He decided to find a girl and celebrate.